August: Find Yourself

We’ve done it. One year later. I am now 40, my challenges are wrapped, including the year-long project of writing a children’s book (which is officially official on Amazon!) - all tied together with a big birthday bash (complete with an AMAZING cake situation, friends that traveled in for the day, and a healthy helping of sentimental tears). 

Leading up to my 1-year anniversary of being diagnosed with RA, I relayed to my acupuncturist that I was incredibly nervous heading into the day. Here was this marker of a day when my life changed wholly and having to revisit that day again on a calendar felt momentous. On the actual day, other life things happened that took my mind completely off of it and just like that, the moment had passed with my anxiousness not so much as even a flicker. 

August felt like that. This whole year has been building to this final day - August 29. A final day to check the last things off the list, the final day of my 30s. In September, when I kicked this journey off, I could feel the rumbling of panic about rolling into a new decade and I couldn’t imagine the anticipation I’d feel come the following August. What a moment! But, as it does, life filled in all the other spaces around the day so well that the idea of “turning 40” became more of a normal birthday (with a giant party, in classic Katie fashion). In August we spent a week in Durango, TrainingPeaks was acquired by Garmin, Maddie started Kindergarten, we had pool days and dinners with friends and a Savannah Banana Ball game in a torrential rainstorm. The month was a reminder that life doesn’t stop at the big moments. Life keeps going on and it’s up to us to take a moment to pause, breathe it in, and find the gratitude in every moment possible. 

That being said, now that I’ve had a week or so to reflect and process the past year, I’m in awe. In awe of you all and the amazing challenges you gave me, in awe of the support from you all to complete them, in awe of Bryan’s coming into his own as a dad while I spent so many hours away to train or check a challenge off. I’m in awe of the sunrises and sunsets I saw, the mountains I stood on, the waters I dipped into, the things I made with my hands, the time I spent processing emotions, the relationships that were made even stronger and deeper.  

The two questions I was asked most this year were: “what was your favorite challenge?” and “what do you take away from this year?”

I’ll start with the latter. From this year, from these challenges, I take that life is meant to be lived in the most joyous way possible. As I’ve mentioned in past updates, I’ve spent a lot of time in life saying “no” - because of work, because of fear, because of stress. This year, I said a lot of “yes”. Sometimes it was exhausting (I do now recognize that not everything has to be dialed to 11 at all times), but even more of the time it was tooth-smiling, belly-laughing, blood-pumping, soul-filling fun. “Yes” made me push past the fear and stress and get out of my comfort zone. “Yes” gave me discipline to practice and train for things in a way I’ve never had to before. “Yes” took me to places I’d never dreamed of going. Bryan summed it up best that this year challenged me and changed me in fundamental ways, ways that will stick with me until the very end. 

As for my favorite challenge: I loved them all for incredibly different reasons. They all made me learn something about myself, you all, and the world. But, if I had to absolutely pick one it would be the impact calls. Calling people (teachers, bosses, colleagues, classmates, old boyfriends, mentors, and more), some of whom I have not spoken to in 20 years, who have shaped me into the person I am today and telling them how much I admire, cherish, am grateful for, and love them was a different kind of special. These calls provided me with a space to tell people the things normally reserved for a memorial service - the reasons someone brought light to the world around them. It felt very intimidating for the first few, but the outcome far surpassed any nervous sweats as everyone received the call with a smile you could hear on the other end. On whole, these calls took an incredible amount of emotional energy to complete, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. If you get the chance, I highly recommend giving someone a call and telling them why they matter to you.  

And that’s how I’ll close these posts, with an overflowing amount of gratitude for you all - friends and family, my husband and kids, neighbors and strangers I met along the way. At my birthday party, I mentioned a song by Drew Holcomb & The Neighbors called Find Your People that has been sitting with me these past few weeks. In the lyrics I see you all, the kindness and loyalty you’ve shown over the years, the joy you bring to my days, and how your generosity of participating in this year has given me a renewed sense of self, brought the spark back to my being. When my children read the series of letters I’ve written to them this year, I hope they can read them with this lens: I grew as a person - even at the brink of middle age, I had a glimmer of light in my eyes, and I was (and am) so, so happy. I wouldn’t have done it without all of you. Thank you and I love you all. 

You got to find your people

The ones that make you feel whole

That won't leave your side when you lose control

The ones that don't let you lose your soul

…

You got to find your people

The ones that make you feel alright

That tell you the truth then wish you well

You gotta find your people, then you'll find yourself

Onward to September ♥️